Adopting we will go

We are adopting, have been trying to adopt, have read and researched about adoption, met and talked with others regarding adoption - for more than five years now. So far we have been unsuccessful, first trying to adopt in Maine (where no one seems to be giving up their babies these days), then exploring foreign adoption (too risky, too much travel, too much strife in the countries that interested us). Then we changed to a high-priced domestic agency in Florida, met with them, gave them a not-so-small chunk of change, made our "book" and were told they expected our wait time would be minimal. That was this past spring, and they now no longer answer my calls or emails...

Serendipitously, in August we were connected with a Florida law firm through a neighbor of my sister's and we ALMOST got a baby, but a supposedly non-existent birthfather appeared and within hours of booking our flights, our baby was no longer our baby. Which, of course, is sad, but the ride was a thrill and it put us on top of the waiting list at the law firm.

And now there is another tiny little light at the end of the tunnel called baby q.

Due on February 11th, we still have a ways to go until calling him our own, but it's hard not to get our (my) hopes up. (As far as John is concerned, until that baby is in our arms and we are leaving the hospital, he is not quite our baby. I, of course, love him already.)

So we head to Florida next month to meet the birthmom, Rachel. It is exciting, it is nervewracking, it is stomach-churning, it is life-changing. Even now before it happens, it has rocked my world. I am phantom-gestating - queasy (however do women put up with morning sickness?@!*), emotional, nesting like a maniac. If there is a wall or piece of molding that needs painting, I am painting it. I am emptying closets, organizing "stuff", exclaiming with a multitude of curses each new pile of "stuff" I discover, sorting and filing endless papers, reading old letters, trying my best to read a new book every day since every mom I know has given up reading. I have been pulling out vinyl from the 80s and reliving my musical youth while ironing sheets and pillowcases.

Crazy. I guess I'll get used to that, eventually. Right?