http://www.soulemama.com

OK - can I just BE this woman???? How is it she has managed to find her slice of peace amidst the chaos of 4 small children while writing a book, holding workshops and hand-sewing, knitting, cooking, breast-feeding, caregiving?!

I love to peer into her world and check out her website on an almost daily basis. It is reaffirming and uplifting, to say the least. Thank you, Soule Mama, for brightening my days with your thoughts, beautiful pictures and hand-made goods. Do you do lessons???

time, precious time

How many more days, hours, minutes do I have to lay in bed, snuggled in, reading a great book without interruption (save my silly husband torturing me with his new I-Phone apps!)? Few, I fear....

During last weekend's snowstorm John and I spent the better part of a day in bed - watching TV, reading books, dozing. Even I admit it was decadent. The dog and cat were nestled on the duvet with us, enjoying the calm and the quiet. Now couldn't we just add a (peacefully sleeping) baby to that equation and call it good?

We know our lives will soon see radical change. So I am taking full advantage of the time I have, indulging in sleep, books, exercise, quiet. I won't miss those things too much, will I?

inauguration day 2009

Congratulations, Mr. Almost-President. You will be the first President our baby will know. We will be proud to share your story and achievements as history unfolds. What a time for our baby to be born!

only 9 weeks 'til spring....

things that are good right now

:: our kick-ass new pediatrician, who has 2 sons of her own, moonlights as an ER doc, believes in pro-biotics and other alternative/natural approaches, has Saturday hours and is less than 3 miles from our house

:: being toasty warm in front of the gas stove while the wind blows and the snow flies outside

:: the unique and wonderful smell of sheets being ironed

:: the lingering scent of pancakes, sausages and maple syrup from this morning's breakfast

:: the joy I feel watching our dog frolic in the snow

:: still wearing pajamas at 1:12 p.m. 

highs and lows

Two days ago I was on top of the world. I felt so unbelievably happy and excited about the baby and life in general. I zoomed through my day, going to appointments, volunteering at school,visiting with friends and family, shopping and cooking. I felt so GOOD. And just like that, the feeling went away.

I woke up yesterday in a funk, exhausted even though I slept solidly, and couldn't get out of my own way (or bad mood) for the whole day. I started to have doubts about the adoption. Anger, depression, frustration roiled. I accomplished virtually nothing. The bed went unmade, dirty laundry stayed on the floor, bills and paperwork were unattended to, errands not run.

I ran into a co-worker at the supermarket who I'd seen on my high the day before and she asked how I was. After explaining my spiral, she said, "Of course that's how you feel - that's perfectly normal." (She and her husband have been working on an adoption from China for years now, so she has had some similar feelings/experiences.) But I don't feel perfectly normal. I am a wreck. And I hate it. Because even though this adoption is 99 percent sure, there is still that 1 percent of niggling uncertainty. And as small as it is, it is making a BIG dark blot on my psyche.

Today I am trying to cope in a more positive way, by writing this and getting it OUT. Check back later to see if it works.

Oh, and did I mention it's a full moon?