Sweet and Blurry

Oh, my dear boy. So sweet was he on Easter morning - running around with his cousins collecting eggs for his first Easter basket. With all of the running around he is doing lately, it is getting harder and harder to capture him in a photograph. But this one, even though it's blurry, does an excellent job I think. And the blurriness is a good reflection of how I am feeling these days - rarely sitting still, always "on", anticipating the next bump on the head and so on. A friend with 2 older children said to me recently that there will come a day where I won't wake up exhausted. She also said I'll be able to have a real, uninterrupted adult conversation again, which is something I can't even wrap my head around these days. Right now it's all about poop and snot, drool and boo-boos, bath time and night-night, car seats and strollers, sippy cups and pacifiers. And my love, of course. Sleeping sweetly right now. Goodnight.

Dear Rachel

Caleb with BooBoo

Every three months this past year I have written a letter to Caleb's birthmom and sent pictures from that period. Each time I write these letters I try to put myself in her shoes. How is she feeling about this, x-months later? Do these notes, photos, make her smile? Cry? Is she still now reeling over the loss of her son? Can she tell how much we love him and how well he's cared for?Has she gotten her life back on track?

I wish her well every day, and say a little prayer to someone, somewhere that she is happy and in as good a place as she can be. Here's my latest letter:

Dear Rachel,

What do we begin to tell you about this sweet, sweet, boy? Many more changes with these past months as he’s gone from crawling to pulling himself up to walking. He experienced his first winter with a taste of fresh snow and a sled ride. We celebrated our first holidays as a family together and it was wonderful to share him with all of his cousins, aunties, uncles and grandparents. He is so very much loved by them all.

Caleb now sits with us at dinner and eats almost everything we do. He loves chicken and fish and especially Gramma’s meatballs! He likes cheese and LOVES fruit, especially tangerines. He likes veggies, too – broccoli and carrots, sweet potatoes, green beans. He is starting to eat things like pizza and toast. Now instead of formula he is drinking whole milk and gobbles it up. He is learning how to use a sippy cup but likes to take a drink from a grown-up glass too.

First words have been Dada, Light, Mama, Bye-bye, “Dee” for our dog Woody. His favorite stuffed animal is a bear called BooBoo, whom he sleeps with every night and carries with him around the house and in the car. He chases Woody around the house and pulls the cat’s tail whenever we’re not looking. He knows “No-No” and shakes his head when he knows he’s not supposed to do something (and which he usually does anyway!). He is beginning to show a temper (when you say “No-No” or when he gets frustrated with something). He stomps his little feet and waves his hands and shakes his head. It is hard not to l augh but we are trying to be good parents and ignore the tantrums!

Baby LOOOOVVVES books! Leigh has been reading stories to him since he was tiny, and now he likes to take books on his own and read them by himself. One of his favorites is Goodnight Moon. He also likes Itsy Bitsy Spider. Once a week he goes to Music class with other children and they sing, dance and play instruments (Caleb likes to chew on these, but he is very good with the maracas and tamborine!). We go to the library for toddler storytime whenever we can.

And now he is one. We had his first birthday party with balloons and friends and chocolate cake and ice cream and presents. It was wonderful.We still think of Caleb as a priceless gift and can’t believe that already a year has gone by since we brought him home from Florida. We hope you know how truly blessed we feel to have him as our precious son. We can’t imagine our lives without him and we love him with all that our hearts hold.

Wishing you a wonderful 2010. We hope it’s off to a good start already.

Fondly,

Leigh & John

#1

Baby had his first birthday party yesterday - his first cake and ice-cream - and his first split lip. A momentous and memorable day, for sure. So many emotions wrapped up in this special day for so many reasons. The 8-year long and arduous road to parenthood. Meeting Caleb's birthmom, Rachel, for the first time. Seeing our little bug in an ultrasound picture. Hearing his heartbeat from 1000 miles away. Remembering the middle-of-the-night journey to the hospital when we got the call that Rachel was in labor. The overwhelming awe and calm I felt first holding our child - OUR CHILD! - in my arms. Bringing him home. Introducing him to his extended family and the world. And then all the moments and milestones between then and now. I think, "How did we get here so fast? Where did this crazy life-altering year go?" And that makes me sad, to think that this time has come and gone. So bittersweet, being a mother. I never knew, could never have imagined the breadth of emotions that being a parent would bring, nor the bottomless depth of love that I feel for this sweet, sweet, boy. Happy Birthday, Caleb. You are my #1. Love, Mumma

Joy

That's all. Just grabbing the moments when they come and C's first Santa experience was a wonderful one. Wishing you many joyful moments in the weeks to come.

whew!

The days are flying by and Baby C is growing and moving and gaining skills soooo quickly that I haven't had much time to think about this blog, let alone write in it. I have been spending my time running interference for the poor cat and dog of this household who are the newish targets of Caleb and his banned-in-49-states rolling walker (do I also mention here his oral fascination with fluffy tails and canine toenails???). I have also been not so artfully rearranging furniture to disguise cabinets that cannot be babyproofed, or finding new ways to hide the dog dishes or power cords or the seemingly 100s of sharp metal kitchen utensils that EVEN WITH SAFETY LATCHES(!) Caleb somehow manages to sneak out of the cupboards and drawers. Add to that the fact that my laundry strike of 2 weeks ago has come back to bite me in the ass and I have been playing catch-up for the past 48 hours. 4 loads down, 4 to go. Hopefully that includes the folding and stacking. I am not holding out for it actually being put away too. I am learning to be realistic. 

:)

Are you out of breath yet? That is exactly how I am feeling these days - breathless. It is not exactly a bad feeling, and can be exhilarating, but ultimately it is exhausting. So please forgive my past and future lapses and keep checking back for more. Eventually there will be some. 

New Firsts

Finally the camera/software crisis has been averted and pictures of Caleb are formatted for email and blog use! SO many special moments have passed but I will stick to the most seasonal/relevant....

1st teeth poked through October 17th

At the Pumpkin Patch with Gam

Halloween at the lake

Lovebug....

just had 2 share this.....

I am so fried and sleep-deprived these days and boy does my lower back huuuurtt! A teething baby and all-nighter husband = no rest for me. This was an email I sent my husband. No energy or care to re-write or spell correctly. I think he got my meaning. Did you?!

no i am not sleepiong\\ i am making brownies for the party and drinking beer. and the brownies are not even homemade. iam so done!!! vbiubur but didn't think 45 min nap was gonna make my day. would have probaly woken up crany. so there! sweeti sleepoing 2 nite!!!!!!