Joy

That's all. Just grabbing the moments when they come and C's first Santa experience was a wonderful one. Wishing you many joyful moments in the weeks to come.

whew!

The days are flying by and Baby C is growing and moving and gaining skills soooo quickly that I haven't had much time to think about this blog, let alone write in it. I have been spending my time running interference for the poor cat and dog of this household who are the newish targets of Caleb and his banned-in-49-states rolling walker (do I also mention here his oral fascination with fluffy tails and canine toenails???). I have also been not so artfully rearranging furniture to disguise cabinets that cannot be babyproofed, or finding new ways to hide the dog dishes or power cords or the seemingly 100s of sharp metal kitchen utensils that EVEN WITH SAFETY LATCHES(!) Caleb somehow manages to sneak out of the cupboards and drawers. Add to that the fact that my laundry strike of 2 weeks ago has come back to bite me in the ass and I have been playing catch-up for the past 48 hours. 4 loads down, 4 to go. Hopefully that includes the folding and stacking. I am not holding out for it actually being put away too. I am learning to be realistic. 

:)

Are you out of breath yet? That is exactly how I am feeling these days - breathless. It is not exactly a bad feeling, and can be exhilarating, but ultimately it is exhausting. So please forgive my past and future lapses and keep checking back for more. Eventually there will be some. 

New Firsts

Finally the camera/software crisis has been averted and pictures of Caleb are formatted for email and blog use! SO many special moments have passed but I will stick to the most seasonal/relevant....

1st teeth poked through October 17th

At the Pumpkin Patch with Gam

Halloween at the lake

Lovebug....

just had 2 share this.....

I am so fried and sleep-deprived these days and boy does my lower back huuuurtt! A teething baby and all-nighter husband = no rest for me. This was an email I sent my husband. No energy or care to re-write or spell correctly. I think he got my meaning. Did you?!

no i am not sleepiong\\ i am making brownies for the party and drinking beer. and the brownies are not even homemade. iam so done!!! vbiubur but didn't think 45 min nap was gonna make my day. would have probaly woken up crany. so there! sweeti sleepoing 2 nite!!!!!!

Photo Update (at last!)

I know, I know. Photos and posts have been few and far-between. We have been experiencing technical difficulties with new camera and computer software. So I have reverted to the handy point-and-shoot, which while it does not have the amazing quality of our new, technically challenged camera, does indeed provide a photo record of some sort. Enjoy!

not a baby anymore...

drivin' with Daddy

all bundled up for a walk (42 degrees in October!?@)

playing with his new toy (gotta love craigslist!)

do you think he'll be walking soon?

holiday catalog shopping :)

Booty by Mail

Treasures arrived today! A box full of love from my friend and her boys in Michigan. It is so nice to get meaningful mail, and Caleb has a slew of new-to-him clothes to wear now and to grow into. Made me smile. Big!

xo T

Things You Learn When Vacationing with Baby

= Bed-and-Breakfast owners are not totally receptive to you showing up with an "unannounced" infant

= Baby does NOT accommodate your need for rest

= Long drives are not baby's favorite way to spend his time, and he lets you know it in a LOUD and PAINFUL way

= Five days of a different environment/schedule really bite you in the bottom once you return home

= Using baby's at-home playpen as an away-from-home crib sends a mixed message that baby has a hard time decrypting

= You will undoubtedly not pack enough infant clothing to accommodate the increased number of mealtime accidents and/or spit-up events

= Meals out with baby - while harried - are certainly entertaining. Like when he crawls over your shoulder to blow really loud raspberries at the young couple next to you (trying) to have a romantic dinner. Or when he then leans over and spits up at their feet.

= You will inevitably forget your extra camera battery and charger and have virtually no record of baby's first vacation

:)

Better

I feel like I have to get better at this. At mothering. At blogging. At photographing. Lately I have been exploring links-within-links to various blogs from as close as this state to as far away as New Zealand. There are a lot of talented, thoughtful, creative people out there. It made me hopeful that I too could be one of them, but it also made me feel woefully sad and inadequate. I don't have the TIME or the ENERGY to be thoughtful very often, nor do I use my creativity or talents enough. Most of the time I am wrestling with my 6 1/2-month-old, trying with mixed success to: diaper or de-diaper; clothe him; put him down to bed; bathe him; feed him; get him in-and-out of the carseat/stroller. It doesn't sound like much, but it certainly fills a 14-hour day. There are days, like today, when I haven't gotten to bed just early enough the night before. When I was awakened after midnight by baby's cries, then again just hours later by my working-late husband who was baking a pizza. Follow that with more cries from my little one when at 5:30 he had decided enough! with sleep and wasn't it time to begin the day with crib gymnastics?

Fast forward to 3 hours later, when after a 25-minute powernap, baby was ready to go at it again. So as he was screaming himself into a hyperventilative state in his crib, I raced through my shower madly scrubbing, soaping, rinsing, drying and creaming, thinking, If this is my day today, then I should at least be clean for it.

Does it get easier? Will I get better at this? Any of it? Will I not want to cry on almost a daily basis? Will I learn to live in the moment and accept all for what it is and simply BREATHE?

Oh, this living. It's hard. And the mothering thing? Even harder.

Swimmin'

It has been some time since a photo share, so while we await the videographer's (ahem) final edit of Caleb's first swim, please enjoy! This little fish loves the water...

;( This Is How I Feel Right Now

What a few days it has been. Home sick with a fever/headache/sore throat while outside it is finally SUMMER! in all its beautiful glory. Caleb has been clingy and I don't want to get too close for fear of spreading germs but just HOW do you NOT get close to an almost toddler who lifts his arms to you and coos/whimpers every time you pass him?

And of course today is again a day where the cat gets sick in a major way, baby's outfit has had to be changed at least 5 times due to diaper soak-throughs or major spit-ups, and I think he's developing not only diaper rash but a rash on his face from, possibly, peas??? Are peas a known allergen? Really?

Did I mention Caleb has mastered how to rip open the Velcro closures to his diaper covers? Yup, he can whip them right off now whenever he feels like it. Lovely.

Oatmeal Part 1

Caleb has now tried oatmeal three times, still with mixed reviews. I have to say the feeding process was entertaining (for me, at least). Caleb seems unsure of how he feels about this new food. I am still wondering how a mere tablespoon of cereal mixed with a tablespoon of formula could possibly end up all over Caleb's face and up his nose, in his ears, on his hands and arms and onesie, on the highchair seat, all over the table, floor and, of course, me. And I do believe he actually ate a fair amount. Can't wait to see what sweet potatoes and peas will look like!

I don't sleep I read

I am hanging on to life before motherhood by reading all I can whenever I can. Little escapes to other worlds that take me away from the monotony of laundry, diapers, bottles and spit-up. Not that I don't love my life or being Caleb's Mumma, but there are days when I feel like I'll never sleep through the night again, or sleep in, or eat a meal without simultaneously doing something else, or thinking about something else, or listening to the baby monitor for the inevitable squeaks or moans. Not that I'm complaining, mind you (OK, maybe just a little). But even on the rare occasions when I find myself alone, I am never not thinking about Caleb. Which is wonderful, but also hard. Hello, Motherhood!

However, books do provide some respite and, believe me, I cling to that. Sometimes a paperback bestseller does the job - something I can read on the surface and put down every 5 pages then pick up again with little thought. Other times I return to old favorites - series or characters I have read and re-read until they are as familiar as old friends. Then there are the ones like Lime Tree Can't Bear Orange by Amanda Smyth. Books you can't put down and stay up 'til midnight reading. Characters and places you can hear and envision. Scenes you can practically taste and touch. Books you curse yourself for reading because now you've only gotten 6 hours sleep and this is the day the cat vomits everywhere, the baby just wants to be held, the dust bunnies are waging a war and the lawn desparately needs mowing.

So what do I do? I go to the library, again.

At the Water Park

In just a few years it will be Caleb (rather than John - or, rather, them both together) who will be riding down the slides and splashing in the pools at our local water park. For his first visit Caleb was happy to sit in my lap in the shade by the kiddie pool and watch all the activity as I enjoyed the hot sun and cool breeze of a perfect summer day in Maine. He got his toes dipped in the water and his head sprinkled by the lollipop fountains and napped in his stroller while Daddy ate fried dough.

Happy Adoption Day - July 28th, 2009

Now 1o months since we began the process of adopting baby Caleb, he is finally, legally, ours-all-ours! What a happy-sad day; crying with relief after the hearing, I realized just how much this moment has been weighing on me. But now it is done, the adoption is FINAL, and we will shortly receive Caleb's birth certificate with our names listed as parents...what a day. Share the joy in our "new family" pics.

Album of the Week

On a recent 4-hour drive baby decided he had had enough of his carseat and wanted OUT, NOW! We still had 40 or so miles of highway to go before home, and no amount of cooing, cajoling or forehead stroking was helping. After listening to him caterwaul for 20 minutes we had the big bright idea of turning on the stereo. Ta-dah! Magic, or Moby, as it were. Beautiful music, peaceful baby, almost home. Aaaahh.

Caleb on Film (part 1 of many)

Our first published video....Daddy startling baby - priceless....

Video of the Week

No, we have not (yet) begun videoing the little bug but that is imminent.... Here instead is a version of one of my favorite songs circa 1979 - The Rainbow Connection. You most likely know the original by Kermit the Frog, and perhaps you've heard this beautiful rendition too, by Willie Nelson. Listen, smile, enjoy....(you will have to copy and paste the link in your browser).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX9E_D_HjBo

what will he....

be? like? do? So many years ahead for Caleb to discover the world, his talents, his passions. He and Daddy went shopping and John was sure baby liked this piano. He can't play it just yet (head control = great; trunk control = lots of delicate body parts crashing not so gently into hard plastic and metal), but he loves music of any kind, including "Chopsticks", which Mumma excels at. Perhaps, with his long, lovely fingers Caleb will gravitate to musical instruments and wow us all with his innate abilities....

firsts

I know there will be many firsts along the way, but I thought these were particularly memorable, and all in one weekend!

first glimpse of walking

first drive-in movie

first beach day

baby needs a new pair of shoes!!

Since losing one of his sneakers at cousin Bryan's graduation, Caleb (OK, Mommy and Daddy) has(ve) been lamenting his shoeless state. Now we all know infants don't really need shoes. Especially $25 ones that he may wear for 3 months tops. But aren't they the cutest (coolest?)? Introducing Caleb's first pair of Chucks, freshly arrived in the mail....

out and about with baby

Oh-what-a-beautiful-weekend!
1st visit of the season to The Lobster Shack
Lupines in bloom, waves crashing...
Collecting beach treasures for Caleb's wish jar,
then a stroll through Two Lights State Park
On Sunday, our first attendance at Portland's Old Port Festival,
with Daddy "Bjorning" baby all the way.
:) Perfect

motherhood: an education

I am trying hard to take lots of deep breaths. I am avoiding mirrors at all costs. I strive to remember to brush my teeth and take my medications. I am doing my best to avoid looking at the endless laundry, mess, clutter and dust that encroaches. I try not to cry. Instead, in my "free" time (HA!) I shirk as much household responsibility as I possibly can and instead lose myself in the book of the moment. Typically, these days, it is some form of mindless, trashy novel (what my overtaxed, overtired brain can handle right now), though I am getting better at turning said brain off-and-on at will.

Today's book is meant to educate. Today's book promises to elucidate (just where that word came from I have no idea - apparently I give my brain less credit than it deserves!) Caleb's 12-week "fussy phase" and provide me with the tools to understand, accept and endure.

During this period (which ends soon, right? It's been more than a week already!), "baby cries more often and for longer periods." Check. "Baby may be cranky, difficult at night, need extra holding or attention." Check. "Baby may cling to you." Check. "Baby may wake several times in the night, rise very early in the morning, or refuse to take naps during the day." Check.

Panic, exhaustion, irritability and frustration are feelings that parents are meant to feel during this period, says the book. Check. I am right on track!

Two weeks ago I really thought I was getting the hang of mommy-ing. I understood my baby, he had a set schedule, his behavior was predictable. I was sleeping, I was showering, I was eating (somewhat) regularly, I was cleaning and cooking and laundering. I almost had a bounce in my step....

Please someone tell me I'll get back to that happy place. Soon.

just when i thought it was safe

After about 10 days of Caleb sleeping through the night - SLEEPING UNTIL SEVEN! - and me finally feeling somewhat normal and somewhat rested and almost sane, baby has decided to return to his patterns of weeks before. Up one morning at 6, then yesterday at 5, then this morning wide awake at 3-something. Not crying, but gurgling and gooing and snuffling and fussing then drifting back to sleep for 15 or 20 minutes before starting all over again.

Unlike my husband, who snores through this early morning concert of baby sounds, I hear EVERY last little thing. Even through a closed door in the other room, where I attempted (early) this morning to stick my head under a pillow and go back to sleep. To no avail.

Has he begun the teething process? Does he have gas? Is his diaper poopy? Are the stuffy nose and post-nasal drip of the past month finally beginning to interfere with his sleep?

?????!*@#?

beautiful things (Happy Mother's Day to Me)

trip to Scratch

delicious breakfast with my honey
gifts from the heart
beautiful cards from my baby
indulgent afternoon nap
freshly-mowed lawn
spring things springing
afternoon sun
wine on the deck with Mum
Caleb